Turning another page

It's Friday, it's the start of Eid al-Fitr, it's Afghanistan. I am in my room in Mazar e-Sharif, the northwestern city where I have lived for the past six months. Outside the sun is setting, above me, on my roof, the footsteps of the neighbors' children engaging in the national past time of kite flying rambles on incessantly as it has all day. The weather is turning cooler now, the house is quite. I am the only expat in the house at the moment, and even I am not slated to be here for long.

My current contract ends in two weeks, and I have had the agonizing task of making the decision not to stay on here. Not because I don't find the work extremely satisfying, and working with the people unbelievable gratifying. It's just that I have now been apart from my husband for nine months, and frankly, that is getting a bit old. Compromises, I suppose, is what makes the wedding wheel turn after all.

That being said, the dozens of people coming into my office this past week sharing their exasperation with my decision, did not make it any easier. I suppose it is better than the alternative, but still, how do you explain to a team of nine engineers and site managers, with whom you've spent hours and hours on project cycle management and other forms of project capacity building, that you are in a matter of speaking, abandoning them? I nearly burst into tears when one of my guards brought my dinner to my room one night with a look of defiance when he said "Susan inja nie?" (Susan, here, no?) with an indication of both hands waving away? I tried desperately to explain in what little Dari I had picked up that my "family" was in Kabul and I had to leave...

Fortunate for me, my two large projects (the construction of roughly 600 shelters, schools, clinics, road, latrines and potable water for landless refugees, internally displaced persons (IDPs) and returnees (from refugee camps in Pakistan and Iran) is closing at the end of the month, so I will be able to see this through. But still, I have fostered strong friendships, relationships, and professional connections up here and work well with all of my colleagues at the UN, Red Cross and other partner organizations, only to pull up, pack up and move to Kabul.

I have started looking in Kabul, but have not made a firm commitment to anyone, I want to be sure that I select something that will not render me a paper pusher in the capital, with zero or no interaction with the provinces and the people. Ideally I will shift into a Kabul-based position with a lot of travel to the provinces, with a focus on providing access to justice for vulnerable people in Afghanistan.

I am ecstatic to announce though that in three weeks today (enshallah), I will be having dinner with Hannelize in Dubai, on my way to South Africa for some serious R&R in Plett with my parents, and then the Cape with my sister (who decided to pick on me today for joining facebook and hence neglect my blog....) Watch this space for the next page.